Tuesday

It's taking all my energy to appear composed and with it, cheerful and kind. After two weeks, my poor Joe is still suffering. I really miss seeing him smiling and happy. It is hard to see him not.

Tomorrow, he is having another thing done over at the hospital, the timing of which coordinates just perfectly with my last dress rehearsal before this weekend's performances. I am starting to think that I will look back on this month as one of my hardest ever, even in the context of this year in general, which has brought so many challenges, and really hasn't been what you would call stellar.

It's funny how some of my most exciting professional moments this year, however, have happened to be right in the middle of a couple of my worst times personally. It leaves me wondering what the Universe is trying to tell me... and what I would have sounded like had I not been so sad/mad/disappointed inside. Probably way better. Or maybe not.

My grandmother is fond of telling me that good comes out of everything. I really do believe that. But in this case, and according to Sally: "The only really good thing that will come out of this is that you know you can live through it."

Monday

I am having an existential blogging crisis. I don't know if it is really working for me any more. I find that all the things I really need to talk about, I can't stand the thought of putting online, and the kind of detail I really need to go into is just so potentially damaging that I don't know how to reconcile it.

I always have this sense that there are a lot of people I could offend or betray, or that the deepest worries of my soul will just sound like whining, because, after all these years, it is a mite repetitive.

In other very non-specific news, I am having a lovely time with my current show. The other singers are truly talented people with great voices, and it's a fab cast. We are having such an intense experience because the rehearsal time has been very compact. My dress is tonight, and in all honesty, I'm a little worried about my voice making it, after all the rehearsal in the past few days.

But I have a great costume, and I'm going to just go out there and make it happen, however I have to. We must be fabulous or die.

Friday

Joey is having surgery today. I am so happy for him, because he will feel so much better afterward, but I am a little scared.

It has been quite a week. Send us your good energy.

Wednesday

What insanity has taken over my life! It is as thought the gods are trying to sabotage any attempt I make at being well-prepared for rehearsals to begin with my latest gig.

I got on a trial last week at jury duty and that was an experience, to say the least. Very disruptive to my finely-tuned schedule, but I'm glad I had the opportunity to do it. I actually felt like I was doing something to give back, in some small way.

I burned my eye-- you've already heard about this.

And then, this week, my poor Joe is very ill and we've been in the emergency room twice. He is going to be okay, thank god, but it really made me think about what really matters to me. Being with him when we was in bad shape reminded me how much the other stuff really is not worth worrying about. Last night while he was in percocet la-la land, I had a chance to spend some quality time memorizing. And I drank a glass of wine.

Friday

I was selected for a jury! How crazy is that? It was a grueling, but fascinating experience, and I am so glad I did it.

In other news, I have a lot to catch up on. And I need to whip up some Donizetti for an upcoming audition. When was the last time I talked about Donizetti? Yeah...exactly. Better get on that.

Monday again!

Well, my cousin is here, and I can abolustely say with certainty that jury duty tomorrow is going to be lively after two martinis and a half a bottle of F. Coppola S.B.

Oh no. I cannot believe the United States would call me even though they know for sure I am too naive looking to be chosen for a jury.

Monday

Oh my god. I took my first nap in two months yesterday. It was phenomenal. Feeling so great today. That being said, I realize I have a lot of work to do on memorizing the next thing for me. Good thing I have jury duty tomorrow and can sit and memorize for hours. I always secretly hope that I will get chosen for a jury, but I never am, and have it on good authority that I never will be. One of the delightful ladies in my synagogue choir is an assistant states attorney and mentioned that I wouldn't be chosen because I am "too naive looking." So there goes my little Law and Order fantasy. But I wish they would mark that on my record somewhere, and take me off the list so that I didn't have to keep going every single year, even though I have no possibility of being picked. I do have to say, I am not sad about the prospect of just sitting, however.

Tonight, I am so lucky to have my cousin's husband in town for an interview, and I get to cook a dinner and things! I think we are going to have chicken piccata and a salad and couscous. Hurrah for domesticity.

Friday, part the second

I just had the best time singing. Sometimes everything comes together and just reminds you why music is worth it...why we are willing to work every single day of the week, for pay or for free.  Money is so secondary.  I hate that I need to have it at all. 

Friday

Never mix up the containers on your bathroom counter. You will burn your eye with hydrogen peroxide solution like I did yesterday morning. Not one of my finer moments, and I had to walk around the whole day looking like a vampire. And I had to call in sick to work because of the excruciating pain. But I went to the audition I had scheduled. Red eye of death and all. I was pretty proud of my sheer will to persevere, although, I probably put the panel off their feed for the rest of the day, with my scariness. I really should have rescheduled. At any rate, tonight is another concert, and the eye is healing nicely. By this evening, I should look like a human being again.

Tomorrow, I had hoped to a little chance to sleep in, but I've got a staging rehearsal at 10 am, and teaching at 12:30. And after THAT I will learn my anthem for church and then drink myself into oblivion.

Or something like that. Probably not oblivion. Maybe a couple glasses.

Tuesday

I'm having one of those days when I am pretty sure I am forgetting things. Like a lot of of things.

My car is fixed now, thank god. I will actually be able to go places. Now, if I could just find time to fit in a shopping trip...hmmm maybe in early April.

Excuse me, but it's now time for me to go live and breathe Micaela, the role that absolutely highlights any trouble we lyric sopranos might have in the passagio. When I am fresh, it's easy as pie, if I apply lots of energy and all my focus. When I'm tired, as I was last night, it can be a real trial to stay resonant and in tune. It's funny when it finally dawns on you that you can't do the thing where you use your youth as an excuse...that a little shakiness here or there, lack of focus in the tone, pitchiness, is no longer really something you can get away with. It's my job to sing it right and make it look easy, to put the audience at ease, so that they can enjoy what Bizet wrote. A person like Micaela should make them feel sorry for her, but not because she is having trouble with the B natural.